A common theme I found in this Mothers of the Heart project is faith…and what a beautiful job Jill does in her motherhood notes– simply written from the heart, her story serving as an inspiration.  Read more about the Mothers of the Heart project here.

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I became a mother 12 years ago. It is the greatest privilege, honor, and job that I have been given. Yes, job. Motherhood is hard work. You are “on” 24/7. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything. The giggles, smiles, and moments of pure unconditional love will always be etched into my memory. To me, it is pure joy. BUT, parenting is no joke.

I remember being in the OBGYN office 32 weeks pregnant with my now 12-year-old son, Jonathan, and thinking “Holy Cow, I am really going to do this.” Then, at the hospital, putting on his diaper backwards at 2:00 am. The discharge nurse asking me as we were taking him home, “Are you the mother?”. “Hmm, yeah, I AM his mother. Are you sure we are allowed to take him home?”. We drove home on I-66 at 25mph.

After suffering a devastating miscarriage, and healing both physically but more importantly spiritually, I became pregnant with my daughter, Kate.  I remember having the fear, before Kate was born, of how I was going to love this new baby. I know that sounds strange, but I loved Jonathan SO much, how could my heart give any more love? Voila’. It just happens. Because God is good like that.

Before becoming a mother, you are frequently given advice on this soon-to-be new role. The two tidbits I remember and was told more often than not were 1) When you become a mom, just stamp “guilt” on your forehead. 2) Savor every moment because it goes by so quickly.

Mommy guilt. It’s real, y’all. Well, at least for me. I felt guilty I didn’t love breastfeeding. I felt guilty that I wasn’t the mom who looked at her newborn and said “Oh, it was love at first sight.”.  As toddlers, guilty if I wanted a break from them. (Geez, Jill, chill out, right?!) I think I have realized as the years have gone by, that the guilt is because of worry. Worry that I am not doing enough, or handling the situation the best.

As Jonathan and Kate have gotten older, the guilt and the worry are still there.  It just morphs itself differently. Guilty if they are in too many activities, guilty if they should be in more, guilty if they have too much screen time, guilty if they don’t know certain Bible stories. (I know…Jill, chill out!!). Whatever shape the worry morphs into, I have realized that these beautiful children are on loan to me from their Heavenly Father. I must stay focused on Him and His will. I must share His Word with Jonathan and Kate. Teach them to act justly, love mercy and to walk humbly with their God (Micah 6:8) and hand my worry over to Him. I frequently remind myself of this prayer from Christian blogger/author, Jen Hatmaker:

 

Lord,

Teach me to parent the children I have,

not the child I was or the kids that I thought I would have.

When I was up in the middle of the night with a screaming newborn or singing the theme song to “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” because it is seriously etched into the surface of my brain, I never cherished the advice I was given to “savor every moment because it goes by so quickly”. But fellow parents, please take my advice: Savor every moment because it goes by so quickly! As our pastor says, parenting is some of the longest days, but the shortest years. I remember when our days were filled with trips to Little Gym and counting the buses as they went down the street. Now they are filled with homework, activities, and deep discussions about faith and life. Realistically thinking, Jonathan could be off to college in just 6 years. WHAT??!!

I don’t have much “mommy wisdom” to pass on but I would encourage new moms to find support with other mothers.  Seek out moms in every stage of motherhood.  I have benefitted from both.  Motherhood can be lonely at times.  Having the support of like-minded mothers as well as moms who have “been there, done that” is priceless.  Motherhood is work.  Motherhood is sacrifice.  Motherhood is unconditional love.  Motherhood is having to discipline.  Motherhood is being a teacher.  It’s s gift.  Sounds a lot like what God has done for me.